I couldn’t make this stuff up, you guys. Not even if I tried.

for what it’s worth, it’s actually dog soup and not “juice.” i don’t know if that changes anything for you.

i heard in sydney they served kitten pie.

Out here with these natives there must be a temptation to eat dog. Because there’s a conflict in every human heart between the conventional, the unconventional, food and friend, between cow and dog. And dog does not always triumph.

I watched a puppy crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That’s my dream. That’s my nightmare. Crawling, panting, along the edge of a straight razor, and surviving.

Let me tell you something. We train young men to drink canned caramel syrup and soda, who smoke cigarettes, and eat French Fries. But Bardot won’t allow them to eat canned dog meat tonic juice because it’s immoral!

I remember when I first came here — it was like a thousand centuries ago — we were here to play soccer. The dogs. We were leaving the hotel bar when an old man came running after us, crying for us. We were leaving the hotel bar but they had prepared a bisque. There it was in a bowl — a steaming bowl of thick, salty, peppered dog juice with a multicolored array of bitesized pickled vegetables in tiny individual serving dishes. And I remember… I… I… I cried, I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out, because I didn’t want to stop eating — devouring — and yet I did. And I want to remember it, I never want to forget. And then I realized — like I was shot… like I was shot with a diamond… a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought, “My God, the genius of that, the genius, the will to do that.” Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they could stand that — these were not amateurs, these were men, trained chefs, these men who cooked with their hearts, who have families, who have children, who have cats, who are filled with love — that they had this strength, the strength to do that. If I had ten kitchens of those men, then our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral and at the same time were able to utilize their primordial instincts to prep, cook, serve, and eat without feeling, without passion, without judgment — without judgment. Because it’s judgment that defeats us.

Anyway. While I can understand the revulsion a lot of folks feel towards eating something as cute as a puppy, as long as you’re already eating chicken, turkey, duck, cow, pig, goat, fish, shrimp, clams, mussels, oysters, quail, deer, snails, cuttlefish, squids, etc., I hardly see a problem with eating dog. Eating cat meat would be immoral, of course.

I read in some book about postwar Vietnam that eating dog meat has come back into vogue, especially among young, affluent, and urban types. Part of the reason for this is a desire to reclaim a lost bit of culture (people hadn’t eaten dog as a matter of course in Vietnam for a long time), and part of it is understood as a desire to shock and offend Western tourists and business travelers. So there. If you don’t like it, don’t encourage them. I also read that while eating dog meat is legal in Vietnam, eating of cat meat is illegal. Another plus for Vietnam. [1]

Apparently Tibetan and Thai Buddhist monks frown upon consumption of dog meat because dogs are potential reincarnates. I read that ethnic Chinese in Tibet like to openly sell, cook, and eat dog meat there because it pisses off the locals. Besides Korea, China, Laos, and Cambodia, dog meat is apparently eaten in parts of Africa — Nigeria, for one. There it’s less socially acceptable, though, and is considered something poor people do because they’re poor.

It should be obvious that Westerners [2] love cats and dogs and keep them as pets because they have a long history of keeping them close to the home for pragmatic reasons. [3] But it’s also worth noting that even in cultures where dogs are considered useful — many Latin American indigenous peoples, for instance — they are not cherished, and the idea of treating a dog like a member of the family is absurd — dogs are ill-fed and abused because they’re just animals.

Beyond all that, I have a hard time imagining dog meat tasting that good.


[1] - Chilled pig’s blood is also a popular dish. But if you think that’s gross, let’s change the subject to English food.
[2] - Well, not just Westerners.
[3] - And cats are more universally loved because they are more generally useful. Not everyone has sheep but a lot of homes and farms have vermin.

Fuck cultural relativism. Eating dogs is disgusting.

yeah, so is eating cows.

and the new french fries at katz’s.

cram it, seth. meanwhile, there’s a bag of pork rinds for sale in the breakroom vending machine here…

I’m not trying it until they get Britney Spears to sing the jingle.

Meat eaters say fuck cultural relativism, while vegetarians say fuck culture.

woody allen says fuck your relatives.

well, that’s just low. what did woody allen ever do to you?

nothing, i’m not his daughter. OK, OK, i’ll stop.

it’s okay, i really don’t mind. woody allen deserves all sorts of abuse for not making a good movie in 5 or so years.

“Wild Man Blues” was great! and it starred his daughter/wife. By the way, did you know he was here Monday night at the Metropolitan promoting his new film?