spaceship no future

cats

saturday afternoon

pyramis has a sun strategy.

animal crossing

This weekend I planted four peach trees and chartered a rowboat for the isle of Chom. I retrieved Monique the cat’s Gameboy, which she had loaned to Dizzy the elephant, who in turn had loaned it to Amelia the eagle. Tom the cat called me a freakshow for running around the village at 2 A.M., and that hurt my feelings. I wrote him a letter asking him if we could still be friends, and sent a bonsai tree along with it in hopes of winning him over. I paid…

public service announcement

damn, it’s cold

i just took out the trash and checked my mail, and now i’m sitting here shivering. it’s only 36 degrees out there! it’s going to freeze tonight, so if you’re in texas make sure the cat is inside like the one pictured here.Jacob adds: at least your heater works. i don’t know how to turn mine on. no one reading this is allowed to laugh at me and feel smug until they come to my house and try for themselves, either….

copy c:\pet\orange.cat d:\pet\orange.cat

So, down on the educational range (that’s A&M University for you Texas-impaired readers) they cloned a housecat. In a typically boring fashion, the cloned cat doesn’t have eye-mounted lasers, fiber-optic whiskers, chameleon fur, or the ability to toss off conversational bon mots with effortless ease. On the upside, perhaps all this genetic attention towards housecats will lead to allergy-free cats, increasing overall global cat appreciation and eventually supplanting all major world religions. However… Sperling plans to offer the technology first to wealthy individuals seeking to replace beloved pets This…

The New Privacy

This is a No Future Public Service Announcement as I know many of our readers enjoy file sharing now and again. If you’re running any Windows OS and using Audiogalaxy to make the world a better, more musical place then pay close attention. An article I came across on Portal of Evil details how an add-on utility installed with Audiogalaxy called Sputnik created by the VX2 corporation could be hiding in your bushes under the window while you’re getting ready for bed. Here’s a couple of pertinent quotes from…

our president in exile

in chom, anybody who even makes jokes about hurting cats is visited in the night by a member of the chom elite guard. link courtesy of mike via metafilter….

Misty Malarky Ying Yang and an ass they call America

After happening upon a blurb on the Bush family’s cat “India” at the White House web site*, outraged Indian protesters have demanded an apology from the U.S. consulate, and are now engaged in retaliatory animal-naming. “Bush named his cat India so we are naming dogs George Bush,” Shankar Gaikar, regional coordinator of the [Hindu nationalist group] Bajrang Dal, told Reuters on Tuesday. According to some U.S. spokesperson, the cat’s full name is “India Ink.” Because it’s dark, see. For what it’s worth, Amy Carter (herself a veteran protester) had…

Latest cat news: non-allergenic kitties!

Finally I’ll be able to dump Mr. Sneezy, the greedy, flea-ridden, and super-cute neighborhood cat that I’ve been feeding, because cats genetically engineered to not make people sneeze will be here by 2003. A two-man company called Transgenic Pets is currently researching the removal of the gene that produces a protein called Fel d1, known to cause many allergic reactions in humans. While a few obstacles remain, the company is confident that their venture will succeed: Dr. Avner said that since the cats would not be eaten, they raised…

Thud! Crack!  Purrrrr…

More cat news! According to a blurb in this month’s Scientific American, purring might actually heal kitty bones! In an as yet unpublished study from the Fauna Communications Research Institute in Hillsborough, N.C., investigators determined that the frequency at which many cats purr, between 27 and 44 hertz for house cats, matches the frequency that seems to help human bones strengthen and grow. Here at Spaceship No Future Labs, we are feverishly working on a groundbreaking line of therapeutic happy kitty bracelets and toe rings. Additionally, we hope to…

Heroic kitty jumps off bridge, lands with adorable thud

Breaking cat news from my home town of Corpus Christi, Texas: A scruffy 8-week old kitten dropped about 100 feet from Corpus Christi’s Harbor Bridge Monday as hapless firefighters looked on in terror. “It scared me,” said Fire Capt. Lee Rogers. “I covered my eyes. I didn’t want to see it.” This was the second cat rescue attempt in a month for the Corpus Christi Fire Department, which suspects some evil fucker of deliberately placing cats on the bridge. Spaceship No Future unequivocally condemns the practice of stranding cute…

a holiday message from victor the cat

happy new year!…

Goodbye energy star, hello kapukapu, DIY style

A nifty dork site called Virtual Hideout has an article describing how to modify your homebuilt system’s (well, anything with an Award 4.51-based BIOS) POST/BIOS/whatever logo. You know, it’s the EPA Energy Star logo you see every time you turn on your PC. Here’s the quick step-by-step: Create a black & white bitmap measuring 136 by 84 pixels. Microsoft Paint works well. Using a program called BMP2EPA, convert your little bitmap to the EPA format. Merge the new .EPA logo into a flash BIOS file with the CBROM utility….

love conquers all. no, wait. love sues universal.

this story will be a disappointment after you make the grumpy cat dance, i mean, anything would, but give it a minute. as you all know, big record companies are evil, napster users are thieves, and everybody is suing everybody all the time everywhere, while spaceship no future remains totally blameless and innocent like a tiny kitten (see fig. 1). so i’ll just dive right in like you know exactly what i’m talking about and agree with me unreservedly. universal music group (big record company) sued mp3.com (cannonfodder for…

Secret Language of Cats Decoded by Supercomputer

meow means “meow.”…