In an as yet unpublished study from the Fauna Communications Research Institute in Hillsborough, N.C., investigators determined that the frequency at which many cats purr, between 27 and 44 hertz for house cats, matches the frequency that seems to help human bones strengthen and grow.Here at Spaceship No Future Labs, we are feverishly working on a groundbreaking line of therapeutic happy kitty bracelets and toe rings. Additionally, we hope to genetically engineer feline saboteurs of terror, specially tuned to the precise subsonic frequencies that cause human subjects to spontaneously defecate or vomit, which we will then sell to the Russians and the Chinese, who need the acoustic death cats to foment worldwide revolution, and are, as everyone knows, in cahoots with the Democratic Party and Kofi Annan. None of this technology is any sort of New Age hippy crap, either, it’s all science. Our competitors can go ahead and give up now—and in case you were wondering, eternal life rings hurt like hell.
In other cat news, sleepy kitties are super cute.