spaceship no future

May 2001

Prince no longer sexiest man on planet

The dirty little man from Minneapolis dropped a bombshell in an interview with Gotham Magazine, whatever that is, when he renounced cursing: When you use those words, you call up all the anger, all the negatives times the word has been used before — you bring it toward yourself. Why would you want that? Prince, author of such hits as “Head,” “Jack U Off,” and “Pussy Control,” is also a Jehovah’s Witness, as it turns out, and is creepily concerned about kids and their lack of faith: When I…

Thud! Crack!  Purrrrr…

More cat news! According to a blurb in this month’s Scientific American, purring might actually heal kitty bones! In an as yet unpublished study from the Fauna Communications Research Institute in Hillsborough, N.C., investigators determined that the frequency at which many cats purr, between 27 and 44 hertz for house cats, matches the frequency that seems to help human bones strengthen and grow. Here at Spaceship No Future Labs, we are feverishly working on a groundbreaking line of therapeutic happy kitty bracelets and toe rings. Additionally, we hope to…

Heroic kitty jumps off bridge, lands with adorable thud

Breaking cat news from my home town of Corpus Christi, Texas: A scruffy 8-week old kitten dropped about 100 feet from Corpus Christi’s Harbor Bridge Monday as hapless firefighters looked on in terror. “It scared me,” said Fire Capt. Lee Rogers. “I covered my eyes. I didn’t want to see it.” This was the second cat rescue attempt in a month for the Corpus Christi Fire Department, which suspects some evil fucker of deliberately placing cats on the bridge. Spaceship No Future unequivocally condemns the practice of stranding cute…

Our thoughts and prayers are with fhazel…

… who successfully passed the initial phone screen and is now due for an interview with my employer. If this doesn’t pan out, Chris’ only recourse may be to steal gadgets for me as a retail slave. Which really wouldn’t be so bad. By the way, thanks for the pie….