Mark David Chapman denied parole, 3 former Beatles still at large
Mark David Chapman, the beloved slayer of John Lennon, was denied parole yesterday or the other day, I can’t remember. Meanwhile, Colin Powell, responsible for many more deaths (admittedly not any Beatles, though), gave a $70,000 speech tonight at my alma mater on the importance of volunteerism. In Covina, California, a high school English teacher was fired for assigning to his class what in my day would have been the dream essay: “[choose] someone to kill, give the reasons why and detail how [to] keep it secret.” Finally, scientists are predicting that one day the U.S. eastern seaboard will be wiped out by a mega-tsunami from the Canary Islands. Sadly, Texas will remain unscathed.